Counselling and Psychotherapy in Tunbridge Wells and Online Worldwide

Over the years, I have worked with neurodivergent adults who have come to me for counselling and psychotherapy. At first, it hasn't necessarily been apparent that neurodivergence, whether autism, ADHD, or a combination of neurodivergent traits, might also be part of what is affecting their experience of life. Sometimes, as the work develops, I begin to notice things and we start to wonder together whether neurodivergence might be part of the picture.

I also work with adults who are in relationships where their partner is neurodivergent. Sometimes the challenges are about communication, different ways of processing emotions or experiences, or simply trying to understand each other better. Therapy can provide a space to think about what is happening in the relationship and what might help.

I have found that the emerging realisation that neurodivergence might be part of the picture can be helpful. It can give someone another way of understanding themselves and can lead them to notice things that have perhaps always been there, in how they relate to partners, children or other family members, for example. Sometimes it can also prompt a different understanding of previous generations of the family, particularly where there may have been similar ways of experiencing the world that were never recognised as neurodivergence.

You don't need to have a diagnosis to explore whether neurodivergence might help you make sense of your experiences. Some people may choose not to pursue a formal diagnosis, while others may have a strong sense that they are neurodivergent and find that understanding helpful without needing a diagnosis to confirm it. I work with people in both situations.

The work we do together is, for me, about trying to meet somewhere in the middle. The possibility of neurodivergence that emerges through our work and is then confirmed through an external assessment does not necessarily mean that everything suddenly falls into place. If anything, it can be the beginning of a much deeper process.

There can be a period of looking back and mourning some of the things that felt difficult or out of reach, while also experiencing a sense of validation: perhaps there was a reason I found certain things so hard.

Then comes the question of what happens next. How might this new understanding change the way someone relates to themselves and to other people? Can relationships be renegotiated? Can some of the masking that has been necessary to fit in begin to fall away? Can someone become more able to express what they genuinely think and feel, rather than continually covering it up?

It is not about finding a set way for someone to live with a diagnosis. There is no manual for that. Sometimes it is simply helpful to begin from the understanding that we all have different brains and different minds, different ways of processing the world, and different ways of experiencing ourselves and other people.

That is something I have come to see very clearly through my practice. Understanding whether someone is autistic, has ADHD, or identifies as neurodivergent can at times be useful, but it is not the whole person. For me, the therapy is about thinking together about what this understanding means for this particular person and how they might live more easily, comfortably and honestly with who they are.

I bring my own thinking into the room, alongside the client's thinking. Sometimes having another mind there, someone who can look at an experience from a slightly different angle, can open up new ways of understanding things for themselves.

I don't pretend to have all the answers. This is an area in which I continue to learn, and neurodivergence is a moving and developing field. But I remain open to walking alongside my clients, and with anyone who wants to explore these questions with me.